Wednesday, August 17, 2005

such a very nice reflection to share......

my mom only had one eye.i hated her... she was such an embarressment..my mom ran a small shop at a flea market.she collected little weeds and such to sell...anything for the money we neededshe was such an embarressment.there was this one day during elementary school..it was field day, and my mom came.i was so embarressed. how could she do this tome? i threw her a hateful look and ran out. the next day at school..."your mom only has one eye?!?!" ..and theytaunted me.i wished that my mom would just dissappear fromthis worldso i said to my mom,"mom.. why dont you have the other eye?!if you're only gonna make me a laughingstock,why dont you just die?!!!"my mom did not respond..i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, itfelt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted tosay all this time..maybe it was because my mom hadnt punishedme,but i didnt think that i had hurt her feelings verybadly. that night...i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glassof water.my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if shewas afraid that she might wake me.i took a look at her, then turned away.because of the thing i had said to her earlier, therewas something pinching at me in the corner of myheart.even so, i hated my mother who was crying out ofher one eye. so i told myself that i would grow upand become successful.cause i hated my one-eyed mom and ourdesperate poverty.. then i studied real hard.i left my mother and came to Seoul and studied,and got accepted in the Seoul University with allthe confidence i had. then, i got married.i bought a house of my own.then i had kids, too..now i'm living happily as a successful man.i like it here because it's a place that doesntremind me of my mom. this happiness was getting bigger and bigger,when.. what?!who's this?!...it was my mother.....still with her one eye.it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.and i asked her, "who are you?!""i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. iscreamed at her," how dare you come to myhouse and scare my daughter!" "GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" and to this, my mother quietly answered,"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrongaddress,"and she dissappeared out of sight. thank good ness... she doesnt recognize me..i was quite relieved. i told myself that i wasnt going to care, ! or thinkabout this for the rest of my life.then a wave of relief came upon me... one day, a letter regarding a school reunion cameto my house. so, lying to my wife that i was goingon a business trip, i went.after the reunion, i went down to the old shack,that i used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, i found my mother fallen on the cold ground.but i did not shed a single tear.she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was aletter to me. my son...i think my life has been long enough now.. and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you tocome visit me once in a while?i miss you so much.. and i was so glad when iheard you were coming for the reunion.but i decided not to go to the school....for you...and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i wasan embarressment for you. you see, when you were very little, you got intoanaccident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i couldntstand watching you having to grow up with onlyone eye... so i gave you mine...i was so proud of my son that was seeing awholenew world for me, in my place, with that eye. iwasnever upset at you for anything you did.. thecouple times that you were angry with me,.. ithought! to myself, 'it's because he loves me..' my son... oh, my son...i dont want you to cry for me, because of mydeath. please dont cry...my son, i love you so much

2 comments:

Raipo said...

Touching man, touching...

ini-add na kita sa links ng blog ko check it out!

jose arvin said...

tnx ryan